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Christmas is a timeof the year when we all take stock of our relationships and our actions throughout the year and come to conclusions which, for better or worse, can only be called life-defining. This is the time when we often feel the need to be with someone the most and it is the time when many families come together and just as many fall apart.
For Marisa it is a time when she is wondering whether to reclaim her past. “I split up with, Tom, my ex, two years ago and we have seen each other on and off a few times. I have, in the time, dated some other men and I know he has been seeing other women. The thing is that I have not really met anyone serious and I do not think he has,” she says.
“Three months ago it was my birthday and I was working late and really dreaded going home all alone. He turned up as I was finishing my shift with this big bunch of flowers. It was a really sweet gesture and I was bawled over. I asked him to come home with me for a drink and when there one thing led to another and we ended up in bed together. It was exciting and familiar and new all at the same time.”
Since then Marisa and Tom have seen each other a few times and each time left Marisa a little confused as to what she was feeling and why. “We split up because I caught him in bed with my best friend,” she says, “I came home early one night when what was supposed to have been a double-shift ended after only one and he was there with her. I threw him out then and it took me a long time to consider that maybe in our relationship I was also to blame a little for his actions. The thing is I really do not know if he has changed and is prepared to work at this and I really do not know if I have. Sometimes I think I am just fooling myself, wanting things to get back to what they were and I know that this is impossible. Once things get this far there really is no going back.”
It is this which is causing Marisa more confusion than most. “I know that if we get back there are going to be huge trust issues we both have to deal with. I mean he cheated on me once, what’s to say he will not cheat again? Then there is the fact that we both feel that some things have changed. It is this unknown quantity which scares me the most. I really do not know how it would work.”
Yet Marisa admits that facing Christmas alone this year is something she is not keen on. “Last Christmas I was with friends at Lake Tahoe and the Christmas before that I spend licking my wounds as the hurt of being divorced was too raw still. This year I really do not want to be alone and I can’t face being the odd one out in a group of friends or being the one with the blind date. I really wish I knew what I should do."
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Stories as told to me, all names used have been changed to protect the identity of the participants. Do you feel you have an interesting real-life story to tell? Would you like to receive my advice via email? Contact me in confidence. 
