Yet as I write this, the world press is busy giving column inches to Chris Brown and Rihanna not for their respective talents but for their very public domestic violence incident which transformed two of the hottest, youngest names on the global music stage into victim and aggressor.

Newly released figures from the UK statistics office indicate that there is a case of domestic violence happening every five minutes of the day and that the incidence is both more widespread than officially suspected and under-reported.

I know you, like me, want to know why. Why does this happen still and why can’t we deal with it and eradicate it? The first question is, sadly, easier to understand than the second. Relationships are primal in nature. They release passions and stir up feelings which are part of the neurochemical bedrock of our past. Within that framework they also set an imbalance of power where violence and physical strength can be abused in order to establish control and a sense of superiority. While the roots of this are easy to trace the reasons for it in our modern world are more complex and they lie in the lack of self-esteem in men, the willingness of one partner to abuse power in order to establish dominance in a relationship which does not seem to be going their way. When this happens, all too often, women find themselves trapped in a relationship which only ever goes in a downward spiral. 

This is made all the worse by the fact that most men who descend into abusive relationships, have themselves, experienced abuse in their family and have come to accept it as a natural way of life within the family. The solution is so difficult to implement that is indicates why the problem persists. In order to break the abuse cycle both partners need to understand where the boundaries lie and that differences notwithstanding there is a sanctity in the respect they must show one another. This takes strength of character to understand, particularly if, like so many victims of abuse in a relationship, one or both of the partners have experienced violence themselves and think it is an acceptable means of expression.

Like Chris Brown, they require professional help to help tem deal with their emotions and control their anger. They also need to accept the responsibility for their own change, at a personal level. It is only by taking this admittedly mature, considered, view that it becomes possible to break the cycle and begin to actually move onto a more civilized basis for forming a relationship.

Violence is never an answer and, within a relationship, it is totally inexcusable. The moment it happens a line has been crossed and to all intents and purposes, love has become a casualty along with self-respect, restraint and self-awareness. At the first sign of it, it is time to get out.

Comments (4)

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i was bought up to believe men do not hit women! i was bought up with a lotof violence, obviously it affects you but you (not you personaly) learn to deal with it!! take care!

clive foote , December 14, 2009

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any man that hits a women is a worthles cunt sorry for being blunt

dave , December 14, 2009

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I Alisa,
I have been a victim of this type of love. Well it is not love and they know it. It is control and alot of women and men or victims of violences from the one that loves them. They love you one minute and beat the shit out of you the next. Mind control is what get you to stay, that no one will want you, love you, they make you think that you are trash. I put up with it for 3 years until I stood up and said no more, So I fought back, it got my ass beat but I showed him I would not take the abuse or keep my mouth shut for him any longer.
I became stronger due to the abuse and I walked away free before it killed me. Some people do not have the chance to walk or speak. I wish more womwn would stand up and put these ass holes behind bars. It is very sad to see what a person can do to the one they say they love and would never hurt.
Like the person above states you learn to live with it.............OH hell no you do not learn to deal with it, no you fight for your life.
Men that beat women are worthless, and do it to show how big of a man they are. No man, just scum is what they prove they are

Doris , December 14, 2009

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What about women who hit men? This happens SO often yet it seems it is perfectly acceptable in society today. Doesn't that play any part whatsoever? Should the reaponsibility fall solely on the shoulders of men to not be violent? Just because it apparently does not physically hurt a man as much when a woman hits him, dies that make it any less offensive? I'm beginning to wonder exactly where society is headed when it is socially accepted that women hit men, but if the roles are reversed, it's automatically abuse. I DO NOT see the equality in that.

Femi , January 15, 2010

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