Mon 18 Jan 2010 |
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 Recent studies show that teenagers are binging on alcohol and damaging, in the process, both their brains and livers so I suggest we ban alcohol from the face of the Earth completely, destroy all vineyards in case someone, somewhere restarts the whole sordid business, make it criminal for anyone to cultivate grapes or ferment sugar and destroy all records of the fermentation process.
If any of you think that this is idiotic and about as kneejerk a reaction as you can get I agree. Alcoholism, broken marriages and teenage health problems are caused by alcohol and the easy access we have to it and, as a responsible society which understands its problems, we are seeking ways to deal with it which include better information, support groups and legislation which limits the age at which alcohol can be easily obtained. We are also helping parents become more responsible by teaching them how to help their teens to address this issue. In case you are now beginning to wonder what all this has to do with porn the answer is plenty. A recent article on the subject published in the London Times caught my attention. The issue is real and it raises some valid concerns. The reaction and some of the proposed suggestions are totally out of proportion and tinged with morality, the quality of our society and the fact (judging on the comments made by some of the readers of the article) that we live in a world which is somehow more base and less caring than anything before us. For the record we live in the 21st century. Communication across countries has become instant and accessible to anyone, the publishing and movie industries are undergoing massive change, technologically we live in a time which is on its way to sending man on Mars and extending our lives to 120. We are just learning to deal with let alone manage problems caused by globalization, changing weather conditions and the domino effect in just about everything we do today. It is a challenging time but it is also exciting and transparent. We have more opportunities than before, we know more than any other generation before us and we have the ability to find out any kind of information we need with the clicks of a mouse. To even suggest that the past was somehow better is understandable from a purely emotional point of view but totally pointless as a considered, intelligent comment which needs to be taken seriously. So, why make it, right? Well, the moment the words ‘sex’ or ‘porn’ are mentioned the higher reasoning centres of the brain seem to shut down. What’s left then is either silence (because no one wants to defend it without appearing to be an advocate for it and, probably, a consumer of it) or the voices which attack it (because that requires little reasoning beyond the moral response). I always take the view that we are intelligent, consenting, emancipated, logical adults. We live in a time where no question we may have about sex and its many practises is out of our reach to research and view. Sex (and porn) however are, potentially, addictive because they are processed by the same pleasure centre of the brain which processes most of our other pleasure-related processes. Like most other addictions an addiction to porn is partially psychological and partially physical and when it goes beyond our ability to control it, it has the capacity to damage us emotionally as well as physically. The risk is intensified when those who are exposed to porn are not yet capable of handling it and contextualize it in view of their own sexual experience. As a result their addiction is harder to diagnose and even harder to control. Understanding our drivesSeeing how just this week I coincidentally had an email regarding a person’s internet porn addiction, it is an opportunity to discuss this a little deeper. Sex (and by association anything which is related to it, like porn) are rooted in the instinctive part of our brains and is a very powerful drive in our behaviour. We are always at our best when we make the effort to understand these impulses and then understand how to best use them. I say use them, rather than control them, because the moment an addiction which relates to sex occurs it has to be dealt with in exactly the same way (though counselling, rehabilitation and support) as any other addiction (and I have discussed the use of porn in a relationship before).Those who suggest who suggest that the issues facing teenagers who are exposed to porn at an emotionally immature age and can then not form healthy relationships will go away if we somehow ban porn are themselves immature in their outlook. For the first time in our history we have a case where something is more widely accessible than it is talked about. To deal with this we need to understand, responsibly and logically the multiplicity of forms sex takes and learn to talk about each without impinging upon the others. The argument that porn objectifies women is a valid one. But sex, in a popular form of consumption, out of necessity has to be portrayed in formats which appeal to a narrow need in a broad audience. In this regard porn is no different in intent than let’s say detective novels. They are there to fulfil our need for entertainment and perhaps restore our faith in the ability of the universe to punish wrongdoers (a murderer for instance) and restore the balance. Similarly porn is there to appeal to the particular needs of a largely male audience at a very particular moment. In that regard to portray its participants as rounded human beings who have to worry about bills, child-support payments and the global economy would be to destroy the very basis upon which porn is so enjoyable to watch. This does not mean that we do not need to have some form of control. Like anything which has to do with our instinctive drives we need to put in place a wide network of support and information and remove the stigma which goes with the words ‘porn’ and ‘addiction’ (and even worse: porn addiction) so that it then becomes easier to help anyone experiencing a problem, deal with it. The mark of a civilized society is its ability to be open, frank and sensitive to the issues facing the individuals which comprise it. For this to happen it requires the application of all of us and our willingness to maintain an open mind and seek to understand the underlying issues involved. It is only then that we will be able to move into the future in a way which actually shows progress and the kind of social development which befits humans living in the 21st century.
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I have to say control is needed by both in this sort of thing,but i do aggree alot of younger men have seen porn and do think wrongly this is how you should treat a women.WRONG.
Porn and new sex ideas do have a place in a relationship but you both need to know when to stop. The worst thing is the younger male does not always know this and there you get the problem. Women are on a level footing as we men,and i have never come across a women who could not do what i could do as a man.
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January 18, 2010
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This article either ask enough questions or evokes enough thought to write 10 books.
Myself, I think porn should be for adults that know how to handle it and know the difference between fantasy and reality. Sure, men and women sometimes like something different to spice up their lives, but on the average most of us stay on the conservative side. When an addiction takes over it is never good for the person overtaken by it, or his or her victim.
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January 18, 2010
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